


Cochise

by Nachtstrasse



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Best Friends, Climbing Class, Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Old Friends, Past Relationship(s), Plot Twists, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5467448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachtstrasse/pseuds/Nachtstrasse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris had a good life. His own shop, a marriage with Ashley… </p><p>Since two years he heard nothing from Josh, until one day, his phone rang - There was just one word written in the message, but it felt like somebody smashed something into Chris’s face: ‘Cochise!’</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Attention: I changed the title of this fic! The former title was 'Boom - Butterfly Effect'. Sorry for the chaos!</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know the title is kinda odd, but I think it fits perfectly, so I choose it! Deal with it! :P 
> 
> This idea came into my mind last night at 3 am, as my mind finally gave me the right influence on writing something like this. It isn’t a oneshot, but it won’t be a very long story, I guess there will be up to three or four parts of it. Here are the first 2.000 words… And I really have an issue to write on my actual longfic, so… this is a good distraction!
> 
> Will add some more tags later and then I have to push up the rating... ;)
> 
> I hope you like it and if you do, I would be happy, if you give Kudos or leave a comment! Would love that! ;)

"You still going shopping with Ashley today?", Mike asked Chris while locking up the door of their little shop. "Yeah, I guess she'll go and I have to slip in, even if I would like to stay on the couch today, just to relax.", Chris replied and Mike nodded his head, slightly smiling. "Yeah... Once you married them, they start to take over the full control." - "Not that you know, how it is being married." - "Thank god I would say!", the brunette young man answered. It was cold, typical for the end of november. Chris could already see the cloud coming out of his mouth because it was too cold to stay too long outside. "I'm just glad we already having the presents for our parents yet. Ash just want to get some other things for the weekend. I guess this doesn't take that long." - "Not if she has some other ideas...", Mike responsed and Chris had to admit that he was right. Sometimes it happened they went to the market and came back full three hours later because Ashley had some other ideas in her head. It wasn't that Chris didn't love her. Their relationship was good, otherwise he didn't even had married her. But sometimes he missed the wild times of his life, being outside with his friends, talking shit, making shit... especially with Josh. "Hey Mike... you heard something about Josh lately?", he asked, in his voice the slight tone of worry, but Mike shook his head. "Nope... I couldn't get in touch with Sam lately. And that's what I'm wondering about." Sam and Josh were also a couple. Sam had the wish to marry him, but he didn't want to. Two years ago they cut every connection and nobody knew exactly why. Once Sam said something about mental problems with Josh. He had to take some pills, which were causing pain in his bones. The last thing he knew was Josh, laying in his bed the most part of the day, slowly breaking down inside himself. How often did it happen, that Chris stood in front of his door, knocking and begging him to open up, but he didn't. Josh had changed since then and Chris, who always had a good connection to his likewise brother, missed him.

Between these two years many things changed. Chris had his little shop with Mike, selling phones and exclusive services. Chris did what he ever wanted to do by programming Apps and Mike helped him with everything else. First he wanted to start his own carreer as an ingeneer, but it didn't work out, so Chris asked him if he would like to join him. And Chris was happy, Mike was his partner in the shop. He knew what he was doing, helped him a lot and took over the financial matters he never had been fond of. "Okay, I guess I'll see you on monday then!", Chris said, saying goodbye to Mike. "Yeah, see ya!" They parted because their cars had been parked in different directions. On his way to the car Chris was resuming the day. One of the good ones. He finally found the flaw in his coding, causing some problems with shut-downs and else. And the early christmas shopping time brought some other positive aspects with it. Many customers, much money... Everything went good for him. As he slipped into his car, he leaned back, a little exhausted from the day. The cold didn't make things better. Then he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. After picking it up he was looking on the screen, first thinking Ashley wrote him a message, but it wasn't from her. There was just one word written in the message, but it felt like somebody smashed something into Chris's face: 'Cochise!'

"You really think, you have everything?", Chris asked, his eyes pinned on the screen of his phone. "Yeah, I think we've got everything for the weekend and would you please turn off this thing please?", Ashley replied to him, while Chris was shoving the shopping cart after his wife. Even if she didn't like it, he kept his smartphone in his hands but he didn't tell her, who it was, with whom he was messaging. After the first 'Cochise' a whole conversation followed on his messaging service. Josh wanted to know what happened within the time they didn't have any contact and Chris finally felt like somebody had a real interest in his life. As he got aware of the fact he was married to Ashley, Josh didn't answer for another 10 minutes and he pretended to be lucky with Sam, but in the blink of an eye Chris noticed something was completely wrong about their conversation. He knew Josh too well and too good to know that everything was okay. "With whom are you messaging anyway?", Ashley asked him after some other 10 minutes. "Just with Mike...", Chris said, not knowing why he was lying at her. "Mike's got your attention the whole day, could you please just put that thing away?", she replied and Chris took a deep breath, before he finished his actual message and sticking the phone into his pocket.

Even at home he was still messaging with Josh and this was the point, Ashley got mad about it. She took the smartphone out of his hand while he was writing and looked on the screen. "Josh? Is that... Josh?", she asked him and Chris grabbed after his phone. "Yes... he is..." Then she gave him this glance he already knew what would follow: "Why are you lying at me?", she asked him and Chris covered his face with a hand. "I know you don't like him very much and the last two years were very welcoming for you he had been gone!" - "Yeah, and for you it had been better too!" Ashley never had a real good opinion of Josh, but she didn't understand the circumstances. "Ashley he was sick!" - "Yeah, but it isn't a reason to let somebody down just because he's sick! Why are you still on his side?" Chris's glance was protesting, but he knew he couldn't do something against him. Things had changed and he didn't know how to handle this. "I don't want you to write with him again!", she demanded and Chris shook his head. "You don't mean that, do you?", he said, but Ashley nodded her head: "I totally mean it! He's not good for you. Just remember the time the two of you, going out... Who was the one who always had to bring the other home safely? It was always you. He didn't care about you, Chris!" She sat down on his lab, looping her arms around his neck and gave him a peck on the cheek. "But he was my friend, you know?" - "Yes, he was! Was, Chris!", she just said, taking the phone out of his hand and laying it on the table. She was looking at him with a comforting expression, leaning her forehead against his and brushed slightly over his cheek: "Let's go to bed earlier today... I'll get you on some different thoughts.", she said and Chris thought, maybe she was right. They kissed, Chris just half-hearted but soon he stood up, carrying her to their sleeping-room and closed the door behind them...

*****

They had been messaged about going into a bar the other evening, together, to celebrate the good old times. But after Ashley found out with whom he was messaging, he decided to broke up with everything, belonging to Josh. He had a new life. Josh was in his past and even if he still liked him, he knew this wasn't his life anymore. The other morning he stood below the shower head, the water reaching every corner of his skin and he was thinking. Josh never had left his head. How could he? Chris knew him since third grade and their connection was far away from just being good friends. They did some real shit together, but Chris was sure, it was just out of their minds to get something like this on. Later as he stood in front of the mirror, busy with shaving, he noticed something in the corner of his eye. Covered in white foam around his mouth he was looking over but without his glasses he didn't see very much. He put them on, seeing the cap of the trashbin was opened. It wasn't that bad, but it was unusual and so he noticed it. He put down his glasses, determined he would clear this up after he was done with his shaving. But then he realized in his head it wasn't the opened cap why he was noticing it. After he was finished with his shave, he went over to the bin, leaning over it to see what was in it: It was the typical pink box of Ashleys birth control pills and it wasn't empty! Two blister packages were still in it and even the expiration date wasn't a problem. Why did Ashley threw them into the bin? Why? Of course, they had been talking about having kids, but Chris wasn't ready for this and he had a serious conversation about that with Ashley, where he explained himself to her, seeing himself to have kids in five years or later, but not for now!

"Do you have something to explain this?", Chris said, throwing the box of pills in front of Ashley on the table. She was busy drinking a coffee and reading the newspapers, but as she saw the pink package and Chris's expression in his face, she knew she had to react. "Damn!", she mumbled and Chris copied her: "Yeah, damn! Didn't we talk about that topic?" Ashley seemed to be sorry honestly and she was staring at him with her deereyes. "Don't look at me like that. We already have talked about that. Don't you understand? I can't imagine to have kids right now! My shop isn't even stable, how should I pay for a kid for christs sake?", Chris scolded her, folding his arms. "How long?", he asked. Her expression didn't mean something good: "About... three weeks?", she said and Chris's head tilted backwards. Yeah, he had sex with Ashley within these weeks... not just for once. "Chris, I...", she started to excuse herself, but Chris lifted a hand, telling her to stop speaking. "And you're trying to tell me I have to break up with my best friend..." He almost whispered: "This is unbelievable." Now Ashley realized what she really did and tried to stop Chris, because he just went over to the direction of the door, grabbing for his jacket. "Please Chris, let's talk about this! I didn't mean it, please!" - "No Ashley! I... I need some time for myself. Don't worry about me, I need some time to think, okay?" He was surprisingly calm, whereas Ashley betrayed Chris's confidence. He just left their apartment, going straight to his car. On his way he pulled out his phone and messaged Josh: "You have time? Let's meet at Grayson's! I need something to eat! Right now!" It didn't take long until Josh answered: "Of course Cochise! Right on my way!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: I changed the titel to 'Cochise', because it fits so much better. ;) I hope you're not confused now. ;)
> 
> Have fun with the next chapter! ;) And I would be happy if you leave a comment! ;)

On his way to 'Grayson's' Chris wasn't sure what to do. He loved Ashley, but what if she was deciding something like with the birth control pills on her own? It was Chris who had to pay at least for this and he didn't want that. Of course, he always had been a good man, who cared about his family and with his age of almost 26 years, he was ready to build his own life. But on one hand he didn't want all of this. He was happy with Ashley, but why did she do that? Just without any questions at him? He couldn't understand, how she was acting like this, betraying his confidence in her. While having these thoughts he kinda forgot he would meet his long lost friend Josh again soon. What was he doing? Why didn't he contact him in the last two years? Within their message contact he didn't say anything about that and Chris was eager to find out what was going on with him.

The way to the restaurant wasn't that far away from his home. At the parking lot he got off of his car, his eyes searching for anything reliable of Josh. But he wasn't there. He picked up his phone - no message! So he waited a while, looking on his watch. Almost ten minutes later a white car took its way up to the parking lot. It was one of those small cars, a japanese brand and Chris didn't thought it could be Josh. The driver seemed a little insecure and took the almost biggest parking place on the whole area. Chris's eyes seemed to be glued on the car and as the door opened, he thought this couldn't be Josh. The drivers hand was shaking a little, just noticable if somebody was paying attention. But Chris saw it and then Josh got off of the car, turning around, searching for his friend with a hasty glance. He slammed the door, going over to Chris, his walk uncoordinated, sloppy, like he was stumbling over his own feet. "Hey Cochise!", he said, his voice husky and his eyes slightly twitching. Chris was speechless, but not because he was overwhelmed! He was shocked by Joshs appearance, because he never didn't know him like that. "Hey Josh!", Chris replied, laying his hand on Joshs shoulders, like it always had been, but he got the slight notion, something was wrong with him and Josh just didn't avoid it, because Chris once was his friend. "How are you man?", Chris asked with a worried voice and Josh immediatly noticed this tone. "It's good y'know? One o' the good days." If this was one of the good days, Chris didn't want to know how he was within a bad. "You're hungry?", Chris asked and Josh gave him a hasty nod. "I just warn you, I can't eat very much!", Josh replied, but Chris shook his head. "That's okay. I'm just happy you're here.", he said, smiling at Josh and he smiled back.

The first few minutes passed by, sitting in the restaurant, until they ordered what they wanted to eat. Then Josh was looking at Chris, asking: "So... how's it going then? Married to Ashley, ey?" Chris snorted with a slight grin on his lips. "Yep, indeed.", he said. "But please don't let us talk about that now. What did you do in those two years, I didn't hear anything from you?", Chris added and Josh lowered his eyes, carefully thinking about what he should say now. Then he took out a pack of cigarettes, looking over to Chris: "You mind, if I...?" Chris shook his head and Josh lit a cigarette on fire. "I don't know how much you're aware of, but these two years weren't good, bro. Weren't good...", he repeated and cleared his throat. "Had some problems with mental issues, taking pills, dealing with pain and shitty side-effects. My therapist says I'm a basket case." Chris shook his head, that sounded horrifying. "I'm off of my meds now, just taking painkillers while walking through withdrawal." - "And what's your actual diagnosis?", Chris asked. "Affective disorder... the full program." - "Caused by what?" This was the point, Josh didn't answer and just took a drag of his cigarette. While biting on his lips, the smoke escaped through his nostrils and Chris saw, how unsteady his breathing was. "Don't... Just can't talk about it now, okay?", he said and Chris nodded a moment later. "It's okay dude. Just take your time."

For a short while they just looked at each other and Chris noticed, it wasn't uncomfortable for the both of them. He gave him a smile and Josh gave it back. "You're still together with Sam, don't you?", Chris asked then and Josh blew out the last drag of his cigarette. "To be honest... No..." - "Since when?" - "Almost a year. She's still living with me, but we're not a couple anymore. She's just trying to help me, you know? Dealing with life." He set up a slight smile and Chris lifted his eyebrows.

A few moments later they got their order and started to eat. For Chris it was a good lunch, Josh was just picking in his food, not eating very much of it. "I'm just not really hungry, you know!", Josh started to excuse himself, but Chris shook his head. "No need to excuse. Just eat as much as you like and that's good. Is there a reason you're avoiding it?", he replied and Josh bit on his lower lip. "Side-effect...", he responsed, laying down his fork. "I just can't...", he said, but Chris laid a hand on his: "Hey... it's okay!", he said, looking at Josh, who was wondering, why he was so understanding. "Don't feel mad about it, okay?" - "I know! I just think it looks so odd, while you're sitting there, eathing with a good appetite and I can't even smell what's on my plate." - "Don't worry about me. I'm fine and if you don't want to eat anything or you can't I'm okay with it." Josh looked over to his hand, seeing that Chris's thumb brushed over his skin and as Chris noticed his glance, he took away his hand. "Sorry! I'm just..." - "No need to apologize, Cochise!", Josh replied with this typical smile on his face. "You should be proud man!" - "Why?", Chris asked, a little wondering. "You're the first who's trying to touch me I'm not going to punch in the face.", he said, still keeping his smile.

"You wanna walk with me a little while?", Chris asked Josh after they left the restaurant. "Don't have anything to do, so yeah!", Josh answered, while he lit on another cigarette. Chris was looking over to Joshs car, then he asked him: "We're taking my car? I'll give you a lift if we're driving back." - "Okay!" They drove to a nearby park area, where both of them left Chris's car and they took their time for the walk. First they didn't even speak, but then Chris took advantage of the conversation: "Why is it, you're messaging me after these two long years?" He saw Josh was careful again with what he was saying, because he was thinking about it first. "To be honest I didn't ever want to cut you off, bro!" - "So why you did it then?" - "Because things were complicated. And I didn't want you to see me like this." - "And now it's completely okay?", he asked back, but Josh shook his head. "Still not okay!" - "So why is it then?" Josh stopped and Chris was looking at him. "Just trust me, I did choose wisely, why I contacted you again, okay? I just can't tell you yet!", he said and Chris took a deep breath. "You're driving me insane, bro! - No offence!", Chris said, but Josh just smirked at him. "No offence taken Cochise!", Josh replied.

They walked through the park and the hours passed by. They talked about almost everything, they remembered at past times, Chris told him everything about his marriage, but then stopped, as Josh said, he wouldn't sound happy about everything while telling him. "Out of words, bro?", Josh asked him and Chris shook his head. "No, it's just..." - "You can tell me!", Josh said with his deep voice and Chris stopped. "There's a reason why I'm here with you. I mean... you always knew she didn't like you very much." - "Yeah..." - "We were talking about having kids a few weeks ago and I didn't want to. Just because I don't feel ready." - "What's so wrong about that?", Josh asked. "Today I found out she didn't take her birth control pills for the last three weeks!" - "Shit!" - "Yeah..." - "Is it possible, that she..." - "... Of course it's possible!", Chris interupted him. "You should have taken some rubber, bro... Just leave the control on the girls and they'll hook you up!" Chris stopped walking, looking over to Josh in disbelief. "Just sayin' bro...", he added, shrugging his shoulders.

"Why do you think she did that?", Josh asked Chris later, but Chris couldn't give him a proper answer. "I dunno. I mean... okay, as we were talking about having a baby, she was excited about that. And she said it would be great for her. Maybe it's just because the time is right for her. She has no job at the moment, she's at home for almost the whole day. But I'm not ready!" Josh didn't reply. 

"Bro, I wouldn't say something, but slowly I'm gettin' cold.", Josh said a while later and before Chris could answer anything, Josh added: "Don't say you're feeling warm! With too many layers on my bod' I would feel warm too, but I forgot to put on my snow-overall and the booties, okay?", he said with a smirk on his lips, just to annoy Chris. "You know what? Let's go back to the car and get a drink. It's getting dark already." - "Yeah, why not!", Josh answered and Chris laid his arm on Joshs shoulders. He just let it happen.

"Ewwww... you became a gourmet, Cochise?", Josh mocked Chris as he ordered a glass of redwine. "No, I just like to drink a glass of it, once in a while.", Chris replied and gave Josh a smile, while he was looking with a slight admiring glance at him. Josh for himself ordered scotch. "I know we have to drive home Cochise... we shouldn't have come here. Sam will be mad at me and Ashley will kick your butt!" - "You're already talking like you're drunk!", Chris chuckled, leaning his head on his fist, he was really amused by his friend. "Noooo... that's just the side-effects." Josh really sounded a little drunk, but Chris blamed the whole situation for this. After getting their drinks, they pledged on each other, taking a little sip. "Oh dear, this is heavy...", Josh almost whispered, biting his lips and squinting his eyes, but Chris just laughed. "Oh come on, bro... I remember times a scotch like that was nothing for you. What happened?" - "Zoloft, Zispin, three years of therapy and a treatment with electric shocks... Ewww... Not recommendable!", he said as it was something completely natural and took another sip, while Chris lifted an eyebrow. "You seriously, bro?" Josh just nodded his head. "The electric shock treatment had been the worst, I'll tell ya!" - "Shit!", Chris replied. Josh told him about his time in the mental hospital, as Sam had to put him in there, he stayed for almost three months, trying to get structure in his medication but everytime something unexpected happened. In the end he got back home, but his state was even worse. "Dude, I'm really worrying about you!", Chris said, taking another sip of his wine. "No need to worry. I'm feeling much better now!"

With every sip of the glass, the questions to each other went deeper. "You ever did something in your life you regret until today?", Chris asked him and Josh dragged on another cigarette of his, thinking. "Yeah..." - "What was it?" - "Can't talk about it!" - "What do you mean, you can't?" - "I just can't!", Josh answered. "You can't talk about many things Josh." - "That's part of the plan Cochise!" - "Which plan?", Chris wanted to know, narrowing his eyes. "Can't tell ya!", Josh said again and grinned. "Okay, okay... I don't ask further... jeez..."

As they finished their drink, they went back to the car. Chris felt good enough to drive and the streets were really empty anyway. He was looking at his watch, it was already 11 pm. "Shouldn't I drive you home, bro?", he said, but Josh waved it away. "I'll sleep in my car. Jesus, I didn't know this one glass would make me this dizzy..." - "You're gonna freeze to death man! I'm driving you home!" - "Okay!", Josh said without any further complain. Joshs and Sams apartment was just 10 minutes away from the bar and Chris turned off the engine of his car as they arrived. "Thanks Cochise! When will I see you again?" - "We'll message, okay?", Chris said and Josh grabbed for the doorhandle, but didn't open it. "You're okay, bro?", Chris asked and Josh shook his head. "What's going on?" Now Chris was really worried and Josh looked back at him. "There was a reason why I send you a message." Chris just said nothing, because he was scared if he would say something, he could ruin everything. "I didn't even think you would answer, but... you did!" - "Of course I did, I missed you, bro!" - "Probably not the way I did!" Chris narrowed his eyes, not for the first time this evening. "I just couldn't forget you Chris. I tried, but I couldn't. As I heard you're with Ashley and you're probably gonna marry her, it drove me insane! - The thing I regret in my whole life is the fact that I never told you about my feelings for you, Chris!" Just the fact that Josh used his real name instead of bro or cochise was enough proof for Chris that it was genuine what Josh said. Josh bit his lower lip, as Chris answered: "You mean, you've... you're having a crush on me?" He was neither mad, nor excited. As Josh nodded his head, Chris couldn't believe it. "This isn't real, is it?", he said, but soon realized it was. "Oh my god...", he said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter... ;) Everything is slowly coming to a close. But I think this fic will be a little longer than I thought first... Guess another two chapters... ;)
> 
> I would love to read your feedback! So leave a comment if you like the fic! ;)  
> If you want to, you can also watch me on tumblr, I always appreciate Asks in my box or new followers: nachtstrasse.tumblr.com
> 
> Have fun! :)

"Josh, I...", Chris started, but he didn't really know what to say. Of course there happened some things in their past, he haven't forgot, but he thought they happened because puberty hit hard on them, sometimes more on Josh as on Chris. Things which friends just did - if they were some 'thing' like Josh and Chris - and nobody ever talked about it again. The relationship between Josh and Chris was never as usual as other friendships. Their trust went deep, if one of them was somewhere, the other couldn't be far away from him. If they didn't see each other for one week, one of them got sick... Chris never had something like this with anybody else than Josh. Neither before, nor after their contact had ended. Even their friends called them 'the-gay-squad' sometimes, just out of mocking reasons. But Chris never even thought about Josh could truly fall in love with him.

"I didn't know, Josh!" - "I know... That's why I'm telling you." The next thought Chris had made him nervous: "What do you think I should do now?", he asked. "I mean... I'm married... I can't just pack my things and play the runaway." Josh took a deep breath, then he looked over to Chris. "Why not?", Josh said. "No seriously, why not?" Josh really meant it and Chris shook his head. "You know... I've got my life here. Even if there is a point where I'm saying I'm going to leave Ashley, I have my own shop, I've got liabilities, Josh! - I'm not even gay!" Josh was just looking at Chris for a while, waiting for the moment he would realize by himself, but as Chris didn't say anything, he said: "You know what happened!", Josh said and Chris closed his eyes. Yeah... he remembered what they did... He remembered every single second... Every god damn moment, Josh touched him, his breath in Chris's ear as he melted like wax in his hands... "You haven't forgot...", Josh said and Chris shook his head. "Of course not..." His voice was almost lovingly as he replied and he looked over to Josh. A gloomy feeling spread out in his head: "We're so fucked up, bro!"

"Why did you even encourage my love for Ashley?", Chris asked him after a few moments and Josh didn't answer first. Then he said: "Would have changed it anything, if I didn't?" The blonde laid his head on the steering wheel. "Maybe it would've. I mean - You were acting like you really wanted that." The atmosphere was kinda awkward, because nobody of the two knew, how to handle the situation, until Chris took advantage of it. "It would've been enough for me to stay single, just to spend time with you. I mean... you're my bro! You always had been! Otherwise I never could've done what I've done!" - "What we're gonna do now?", Josh asked and Chris shook his head. "I can't break out of my life. That's not possible. I don't even know how." As Chris lifted his head, he saw the tears in Joshs eyes and he snorted. Josh bit his lips to hold back his tears and as he looked back at Chris, he couldn't help himself, but pulled Josh in his arms. "C'mere. I'm so sorry Josh!", he said with his calm voice and Josh burried his face in Chris's jacket, while grasping at the fabric. It wasn't the first time, Chris heard his friends sobbing. But it never had been this convulsive and uncontrolable...

Chris had to let him go. For him there was no possibility to take flight out of his current life. Okay, Ashley betrayed his trust. But wasn't it called: 'for better or for worse'? He had to talk to Ashley, but who knows, what would happen? But he was determined to not let go Josh again. No matter what Ashley would say.

"Oh my god Chris, I was so worried about you!", Ashley said as he opened the door of their apartment. "Where have you been?", she asked, he couldn't even take off his jacket. "I... I was with Josh.", he answered. "With Josh?" - "Yes!" Ashley looked at him and Chris immediatly knew she didn't like the idea of him being with Josh. "He of all people..." - "Yes! And you don't have the right to forbid it!", Chris replied, looking at her with a scolding expression. "I know you don't like him but I don't care Ashley! After today I just know it was a mistake to give up on him so easily!" - "Did you drink something?", she just asked and Chris shook his head. "That's all you gotta say? Answer is yes, I had some wine!" He went over to the living room, passing Ashley without any hesitation. He sat down on the couch and Ashley leaned against the doorframe. "Can't we just forget what happened and talk about this, Chris?" - "'bout what?" - "Why you left in the morning..." - "Indeed! Why the fuck did you do that?", he asked her. "Just tell me one good reason why you betrayed my trust in you!" Ashley looked like she was thinking about what to say, but then she shrugged her shoulders. "I just did it. And it felt good! You know I want a baby!", she responsed, going over to the couch and sat down beside Chris. As she touched his hair, he grabbed her wrist. "Don't touch me, okay? - That's not a good reason!" - "Why not? I mean - We're married for two years now! Isn't it right going the next step?" - "We already talked about this! At least it's me who's paying for a child! And I don't want that yet!" Ashley looked like she was hurt, but Chris couldn't take it. "We're gonna have some kids, but not now! Please, try to understand me! I'm 26 years old and I don't feel ready for this! Please just accept that!" Ashley took a deep breath, but Chris didn't had the feeling she understood him after all. "I think I'm going to bed now, I'm exhausted.", he said and left the room.

But laying in bed wasn't easy either. Soon after Chris fell into a doze, Ashley woke him up by starting to kiss him. "Ash, I..." - "Don't speak... I'll handle this!", she said, disappearing under the blanket. "No, no no no no! - NO Ash!", he said, sitting up in the bed. "Why not Chris?" - "'cause sex is not the solution, Ash!" - "We've got some condoms left, if it's that what you're worried about!" Chris was looking at her as if she gone mad. "You don't understand anything, do you?", he said, but Ashley didn't act as if she did. Chris shook his head, grabbing for the blanket and his pillow. "I'm gonna sleep on the couch!" Chris stood up, taking his things with him over to the living room and closed the door behind him.

He already laid up to 30 minutes on the couch and couldn't sleep. A look on his phone told him the time. It was 3 am... The last time he had been awake that long was more than five years ago at least. Once again he looked at the screen as a message appeared:

Josh: You're still awake?

Chris was asking himself how could he know? But he wrote back:

Chris: Yeah, I can't sleep.  
Josh: You talked to Ash?  
Chris: Yeah, I did...  
Josh: So...?  
Chris: Dunno. Everything is so fucked up at the moment.  
Josh: Sorry!  
Chris: Isn't your fault!  
Josh: Partly it is.  
Chris: No it's not and you know it.  
Josh: See you tomorrow?

Chris took a deep breath. There was a thought in his mind he would have send to Josh, but he hesitated. But within the next moment he just wrote it down and sent it.

Chris: If I could I would come over now!  
Josh: Door is always open for ya Cochise!

It sounded like an invitation, but Chris couldn't leave the apartment now. And in a way it was very unreasonable. To what would lead this? He already thought he would be over those memories within his past. But the current evening had shown him, that he wasn't. It was a time, Chris got changed... forever!

It was Chris's 17th birthday. He just celebrated it with his best friend Josh. Chris didn't want to make a big fuss out of it, so he stayed at home and Josh and him made a nice DVD-Evening and played on the console. It was really nice, comfortable and they really had too much pizza. Then Josh pulled out a bottle of Vodka off of his backpack. "Look, what I brought up here." - "Are you insane? If mum caught you with this, she'll never let me see you again!" - "Oh come on cochise... We don't have to drink the whole bottle, but for a try... Why not?" - "You tried this before?" - "Lil' bit, but it was good!" Chris leaned in and they emptied half of the bottle together, sip by sip. With every single of them they got more and more drunk. While they played at the console before, they now laid giggling on the bed, the console almost forgotten. "'ve got 'nough, Josh!" - "Awww, you're so cute if you're drunk, cochise!" - "Don't call me that!", Chris replied, more giggling than talking. "What? You're cute?" Chris nodded his head as Josh said that, but Josh shook his head. "Just sayin' what's true, bro!" He lowered his head, then he was right in front of Chris's face: "Ever kissed b'fore, bro?", he said, then he narrowed his eyes: "Jeez, your 'yes sooooo bluuuuuue! Damn, bro!" Chris was just slightly drunk and couldn't realize what happened. The next moment Josh kissed him on his lips. First just softly and gentle. Then he laid a hand on Chris's cheek and brushed over his skin with his thumb. This was the moment, Chris started to kiss him back. Until today he didn't forget how it felt, being kissed by his best friend, tasting the Vodka on his tongue and how careful Josh treated him. Josh took the lead... and something happened, both never even could have imagined before. Josh already had some experience and Chris trusted him. It was the most concise experience he ever had with Josh. Even if he was a little drunk, he remembered every minute, every second his friend had touched him, how he kissed him and how they slept in afterwards, completely exhausted and overwhelmed with feelings.

After they talked about that the other day, Chris didn't know how to handle it and asked Josh what he wanted from him. Josh denied anything like a crush or something else, but today Chris knew this was just out of the effect, because he didn't want to be a pain in the ass. It happened twice after the first time again, but soon they learned, it would cause problems eventually. So Chris decided to stop it and he soon had an interest in Ashley, but for him it never had been the same as with Josh. But Josh encouraged their relationship, said it would be good for Chris and so Chris thought this thing was over... until today.

The other morning Chris woke up, it was still silent in the apartment. He sat up, looking on his phone, but Josh didn't send any message. Chris rubbed over his eyes, before he heard the creak of the door, outside of the living-room. And then there was some unintelligible babbling, but he recognized Ashleys voice. He was curious on one side, the other in his mind said something was going wrong. He opened the door of the living-room just a little gap wide, but what he heard paralyzed him. First there was Ashleys voice: "I said you shouldn't come here to speak with me about that!" - "Does he even know?", another voice answered and it was kinda familiar. "No and it's not the right time to discuss this now!" - "If you don't tell him, I will!" - "Mike!", Ash said and something inside Chris broke. "It's interesting, how determined you are to avoid telling him, Ashley!", Mike replied and Chris opened the door. "Is there something I should know about?", Chris said first, but saw the real surprised expression in their faces. Both didn't answer him and Chris nodded his head. "I guess it's exactly what it looks like..." He wasn't even mad about it and waved it away. "Fine..." He shook his head. "I'll be gone for a while. I'll pack some things and move into a hotel or whatever... Make yourself comfortable! I'm out!", he just said and was wondering about himself, how easy it was to walk over to the sleepingroom, getting a bag out of the wardrobe and pack up some things.

"It's not what it looks like!", Mike said, standing in the doorframe, together with Ashley. "Isn't it?", Chris replied with an almost bored voice. "No it's not!", Mike added, giving Ashley a slight nudge. "No, it isn't!" Chris had the straight urge to grin over what both of them were saying: "You're so funny, you know that?", he said while packing more things into the bag. "Chris, I'm...", Ashley started and Chris snorted: "Now you're gonna tell me you're pregnant and that you want to have this kid and that I'm the father... And that you're hoping I would stay because of this!" But he didn't expected the real answer: "You're right, I'm pregnant!" - "See!", he replied. "But you're not the father, Chris!", she said. Chris stood still right within his movement. Ashleys expression was husky, she avoided eye-contact with him. "It's Mike?", he asked, but she shook her head. "It's Matt!", she said and the shirt, which Chris held in his hand fell on the ground. "What?!?", Chris asked her, his eyes narrowed. "I told her she should tell you because you would know it at least if the baby is born." Chris didn't hear what Mike had to say, these words Ashley said were still wandering through his mind. "When did that happen? Ashley, tell me!", Chris forced her and Ashley couldn't hold back any longer: "I had an affair with him, okay? It's been for four weeks and after I got aware of that I'm pregnant I threw away my birth control pills, okay?" Chris just thought about what she said and had to admit it had to happen a few months ago. Then something came into his mind: "Please don't tell me, it was that time I was away for my final-seminar for two weeks!" Ashley further avoided eye-contact to him and so everything came up to a close for Chris. His voice was surprisingly calm as he was talking to Mike: "And how did you got aware of that?" Mike shrugged his shoulders. "I just saw her about three weeks ago with Matt, coming out of the doctor's office. You know how Jess is...", he admitted: "She's always asking me to get her the receipe of her birth control pills. And as it seems, she and Ash are sharing the same doctor." Chris only shook his head because he couldn't believe it. "How long?", he asked. "9th week...", she confessed. Chris took a deep breath. He picked up his shirt from the floor to put it in the bag and looked back to Mike and Ashley.

"Since we're so honest to each other I have to confess something myself." Now Mike and Ashley were looking at him, completely confused. "It may sound ironical, but I guess I'm about to start an affair with Josh!", he chuckled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the next chapter. ;) I think I'll finish this fiction soon, but first: Thank you for the Kudos! I really appreciate that! And for the comment, of course! ;)
> 
> By the way - If someone wants to follow me on tumblr: nachtstrasse.tumblr.com  
> Every follower is welcome! There you'll find even some oneshots I don't release on AO3! ;)
> 
> But now have fun with the new chapter. :)

Ashley was just looking at him, while Mike lifted his eyebrows: "You're gonna what?!?" Now that he had it spoken out, Chris felt easily with the thought, starting something with Josh: "I'm... Yeah, I'm going to start a relationship with Josh!", he said, his voice alarmingly genuine. "But you're still in a marriage with me!", Ashley complained, and Chris chuckled again: "This is so awfully ironic... Are we?", he asked, looking at Ashley with lifted eyebrows. "You don't think I'll stay with you after you cheated on me, do you?", he said and shook his head, while biting on his lips. "No Ashley... Honestly, I did almost everything wrong after started dating you! Thinking about what you told me within the last 15 minutes, I shouldn't even had married you!" - "Chris, aren't you a little too harsh now?", Mike asked and Chris shook his head again. "No... Not really!" Now Ashley started crying and in view of the fact that Chris shared up to seven years with her, his feelings were so little, he was wondering about himself. He couldn't even pity her. Again he shook his head and closed the zipper of his bag. "I'm sorry!", Chris said: "I don't know how to handle everything of this now. I need some time for myself to think. I'm sorry!", he added, before he put on some jeans, a fresh shirt and passed Mike and Ashley. He grabbed for his keys on the sideboard of the hallway and opened the door. First he stood still as he heard Ashley sobbing, lowered his head and closed his eyes. But then he left his apartment and went down to his car. He just couldn't take it anymore.

While sitting in his car, there was just one question - Should he check-in into a hotel or instantly drive to Josh? The choice was easy. Since Josh lived just ten minutes away from him, he drove over to him. He still was asking himself, how everything worked out this way. But to be honest - In his mind, he didn't even thought about what happened just half an hour ago. After ten minutes he arrived his destination. Taking out his bag, he went over and rang the doorbell. Shortly after that he heard Sams voice in the speaker: "Hello?" - "Sam? This is Chris!" He didn't have to wait, Sam opened him on the spot. Every stair he went up was like another impulse of leaving something behind. Like everything was as it should be. Sam was waiting for him at the opened door on the third floor. "You? Here? You're not even combed!", she said, looking at his hair. "That's so unimportant Sam!", he said with a smile. "I'm so happy to see you again!", he said and pulled her into a deep hug. Sam patted his back: "Nice to see you too, you goofball!", she replied and looked at Chris's bag. "You're staying longer?" - "I guess!", Chris responsed. "Where is he?", he asked then. He didn't even had to say his name and Sam guided him the way into the apartment: "Still in bed... He's not feeling well, but I guess he'll be pleased to see you." Chris entered the apartment and took off his jacket, before he went over to Joshs room. He knocked once, before he opened the door. Inside the room it was dark, but he was able to locate Joshs bed. A moment later the light of a phone screen enlightened everything a little bit and Chris could see Joshs eyes: "Chris!", he said, still a little sleepy, but able to recognize him. "Hey bro!", Chris said with a smile on his lips, sitting down on the bed beside his friend. "I heard you're not feeling very well?", he asked and leaned down, placing one hand on each side of Josh. "I just feel better now that you're here.", Josh replied, his voice a little drained. "I'm staying for longer, if you wish for!" He could see Josh thinking. "What about Ashley?" Chris chuckled and shook his head. "It's over!" - "What?" - "I haven't said it until yet, but I guess we're no couple anymore!" Josh leaned to his bedside table and lit up his lamp. Just now Chris saw these circles under Joshs eyes, his lips slightly cracked.

"How?", Josh asked. "I guess she didn't even wanted a kid from me in particular." Josh didn't understand. "She had an affair with Matt... Now she's pregnant. And I thought, I don't have to deal with that." - "Matt?!?" Chris could see how Josh was thinking about something again. "Don't even think about telling me I have to go back to her. Since I told her I would start a relationship with you, she won't let me back into the apartment so easily I think." - "You did what?", Josh said, his voice insecure and disbelieving. But Chris was just smiling at him. "You're kidding, right?", he added, but Chris shook his head: "No, it isn't. To be honest, I'm going for a divorce!" Then he cupped Joshs face with a hand, brushing over his cheek: "I think I'm finally aware of my feelings again, Josh! I never should have left you. I should've started with you what was obvious already when we were younger." - "Oh Chris..." A little smile appeared on Joshs face. The gaze of Chris was so lovingly, that Josh just wanted to kiss him, but he still hesitated: "If this is a dream, would you please kiss me now, so I don't forget how it is, if I wake up again?", he said, his voice insecure and slightly begging. "I can guarantee you, this isn't a dream... but if you really need this proof...", Chris replied and cocked his head a little bit, before he lowered it, just to give Josh a short kiss on his lips. This kiss sealed his decision for not going back to Ashley. In his mind everything was as it should have been for all of these years. He looked Josh in his eyes and smiled, before he kissed him again, this time a little longer. As he pulled back then, Chris stroked through Joshs hair, saying: "Just sleep another hour or so... I'll be still here, if you wake up again, okay?" Josh bit his lips and stole himself another short kiss from Chris. "It's okay. I guess I'm falling just into a doze. I'm glad you're here now!", Josh replied and Chris stood up, leaving the room.

While sitting with Sam in the living-room, he was thinking about everything what happened. A cup of coffee in front of him on the table, he was almost relaxed. "I can't believe it, Ashley did this to you.", Sam said and Chris shook his head. "Me neither. And I never expected she would think like that. Just the thought, that maybe she did everything just to have a baby... and within the last weeks she was really eager to..." He waved his thought with a hand away. "I mean, it would have been obvious the kid isn't from me after it is born." And then the thought ran through his head, that everything he built up within the last seven years was broken within a few minutes. The lump in his throat got bigger. "The only thing I've got left is my shop and Mike, who's still my partner there. The rest of my life is just a bunch of bullshit!" - "You've got Josh now!", Sam added and Chris smiled a little bit, while nodding his head. "Yeah... that's the only positive thing after all." He snorted, rubbing a tear out of his eye. "I've done everything wrong within the last years... everything!" His voice was a slightly whisper, because he didn't wanna risk it, Josh could hear him. "And now I'm sitting here, whailing like a baby and you've got your own problems. I'm so sorry!" Sam gave him a slight smile, shooking her head. "No need to worry Chris. This thing with Josh and me wasn't a thing what would last forever. We realized that fast enough before everything could be destroyed. We like each other much and I care for him. But as you know a true relationship would have never been okay with us. Sooner or later Josh would have choosen you over me and I'm completely aware of that. To be honest I always was and I just waited for the moment, he would realize that." What she was talking about sounded sad in Chris's ears, but he understood what she said. "I'm sorry, nevertheless, Sam." - "I'm just happy you two found your true calling. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll find my own Mister Right one day, I'm sure about that!", she added and both were smiling at each other. "I'm glad you're here!", Chris said.

Half an hour later Chris handy rang. On his display he saw it was Ashley, but he wasn't able to talk to her now, so he denied the call. It made no sense to speak with her. Not now! "Ashley?", Sam asked and Chris nodded. Ashley called him again and again... and everytime he denied her call. Even as she restrained her number, he knew it was her, what was logic, because who would call him within a few minutes a dozen times? Then suddenly it ended. And Mike called him. "Mike? Really?", Chris said, looking over to Sam, but she shook her head. And then there was suddenly silence. "You can't always ran away from those calls Chris." - "Yeah, but now I just can. I'll talk to the both of them, but not now. I'm just happy I'm aware of things I really want and I can't take it to get another shitload of thoughts by Ashley, who wants me back, raising a child which isn't even from me and so on... I just can't now!" His voice was calm and he just hoped Sam would understand him.

"You're still here!", Chris heard Joshs voice from behind and he turned around on his seat to look at him, leaning in the doorframe. "Of course I am. You think I would leave so soon?" Seeing Joshs glance at him and this slight smile repaid everything. "Slept well?", he asked and Josh nodded his head, then glancing over to Sam with a smile. He was just looking like a child which was told it would go to Disneyland. He pointed in Chris's direction and said faintly: "He's still here and didn't leave." Sam was just smiling as Josh looked back to Chris. "And I'll stay for a while Josh. So calm down, bro. Everything will be okay.", Chris replied, but then Joshs expression changed. "You were serious, telling me you go for a divorce with Ashley?" - "Of course!" - "Cochise, you're insane!" - "No, sorry Josh, I'm not!" - "Oh... yeah... It's me who's the lunatic, I almost forgot...", he said with a smirk on his lips. "I'll go and get something to eat.", he said and went over to the kitchen. Even if Josh made a joke, nobody was laughing. Chris gave Sam a glance and she whispered: "Congratulations!" - "Why?" Sam seemed content with the situation: "It's the first time since weeks I don't have to tell him he has to eat something and he's getting somthing himself." Chris lifted his eyebrows, wondering. There were so many things he didn't know.

"He told Ashley he would start an affair with me!", Josh told Sam while stuffing a sandwich into his mouth. "I know...", she replied. "You really know what you've got into with that?", he asked Chris and he shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea! - Oh... I forgot! I don't care!", he added with a smile on his lips. "You're taking me out later Cochise?" Chris lifted his eyebrows: "I always thought you didn't like that.", he replied and Sam stood up, leaving the room. "I'm still not into it... but I have to take you out, before I'll take you to the bone zone!", he said and Chris moaned, closing his eyes in disbelief. "You didn't say that, did you?", he asked and Josh was laughing. "Gotcha... No, be honest: You like this shit, don't you?" Chris nodded his head: "I do, but if you don't feel good, we don't have to." - "No shit, bro - I'm gonna taking you out! And you can't do anything 'bout it!" Chris took a deep breath. "Okay... if you say so!", he replied.

Chris couldn't do anything about it, but someone else could. While he was preparing himself to go out with Josh, the doorbell rang. Sam turned on the speaker to ask who was there, Chris saw her, since he stood beside the door, looking in the mirror, while putting on a fresh jumper. "Sam, is Chris with you?", he heard Ashleys voice through the speaker. Sam was looking over to him and Chris rolled his eyes, but then he nodded. "Yeah!" - "Could you please let me in?", she asked and Sam pressed the button to open the door. "As I said - Cochise - you can't take flight forever!" It sounded so strange, hearing his nickname out of Sams mouth, but she was right. Josh appeared behind Chris and he asked: "Who was that?" - "It was Ashley... And she's coming up the stairs.", Chris replied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the last chapter of this fiction! ;) I hope you like the last one and maybe you'll leave a comment! I would appreciate it.
> 
> I know there's potential or a sequel and... Maybe I'll write it. But I don't know when that happens. Tell me what you think. Would you like to read another story with this as basics? ;)
> 
> But now... Have fun with the new chapter! ;)

The next second Josh's eyes widened, Chris saw how his glance got tense. His following voice almost broke his heart: "Don't... don't let her take you away from me, Chris... I..." A trembling sob escaped his throat and Chris saw, how his eyes turned white. Just before he felt on the floor, Chris grabbed him, seeing he was unconscious. He was heavy in his arms and Sam came over: "Did that happen before?", Chris asked and Sam bit her lower lip, laid her hand on Joshs forehead: "Yes, this is too much... Everything is too much..." - "But... how?" - "Side effects of the electric shock therapy...", she mumbled, before she slapped him in the face. Josh moaned but his eyesight came back. "Thank god!", Chris sighed, but all Josh did was looking at him: "Did I faint again?", he said with a tired voice and Chris lifted him up, carried him over to his room in his arms: "You're not going anywhere tonight!", he replied, sitting him down on the bed. "Is Ashley already gone?", Josh asked, while he was breathing deep, it seemed he completely passed out. "No... I have to talk to her yet... You'll stay here. I don't wanna risk another of those issues, okay?" He was looking Josh straight in his eyes: "Listen... It doesn't matter what'll happen, I won't ever leave you again, okay?" His voice was just genuine and Josh nodded. "Never ever again!", Chris added and laid a hand on Joshs cheek, before he leaned his forehead against the one of his friend. Then he heard Ashleys voice in the floor and looked at Josh again: "Stay here! I'll get this."

Joshs issue passing out caused the concern in Chris's head, something could have been damaged because of the shock-therapy, but he didn't even had the time to worry about it. That was something for later. As he left Joshs room, his wife stood there, not far away from him, while Sam closed the door behind her. Ashley looked wrecked, her eyes swollen because she cried. She didn't even wore her beanie which was a serious sign something was wrong. Even her clothing wasn't that good. Chris knew because of all these years he had been with her, there were three types of clothing she wore: The relaxed type, what she only wore at home, the sloppy type, if she was just on the road to buy something and the glam type for important meetings or else. Now she wore just a grey sweatpant, a shirt and her hoodie, just like she did when they were at home. In kinda way Chris pitied her. "I leave you a little space. Make yourself comfortable in the living-room. I'll go and look after Josh.", Sam said, passing Chris, while she gave him a comfortable gesture by brushing over his hand. "Yeah... thank you Sam.", Chris replied, giving Ashley the hint to go into the livingroom.

Ashley sat down on the couch, while Chris took his place in the armchair. First Ashley didn't even talk, she was just looking at him and Chris bit the inside of his lips nervously. Ashleys voice was jittering as she started talking, Chris noticed her eyes got weary again. "I don't know how to live without you Chris.", she just said, but Chris didn't answer. "I'm so sorry about what happened and I don't know what I should do without you. What I did was wrong. I know that and there's no excuse for that." She paused to take out a tissue, brushing it over her nose, while a tear ran down her cheek. "I'm thinking about an abortion... if you just come back to me.", she added. Chris wanted to have kids. But since he left Ashley earlier this day he was aware of it wasn't just too early for that. It was the wrong person he wanted them with. The short time since he had left her seemed to be that long, it could have been weeks ago he was thinking about a divorce. He looked at Ashley and slightly shook his head. His voice was calm as he replied: "Ashley... be honest... We never meant to be together, did we?" Her eyes were frantic... she already knew what he was trying to say and this conversation was a last desperate try to save their marriage. Chris seriously loved her. If not, he wouldn't have been married her. But what he didn't realize before, it was another kind of love like the one he had with Josh. He was too young at that time. Now it was clear, that he never would have been happy with Ashley, the longer their marriage would have lasted. "I love you. But I won't come back to you." Ashley started crying as Chris said that, but he wasn't finished. He tried to be as gentle as possible, but within this situation there wasn't a right way to say it: "It's not because you're pregnant. It isn't even because you betrayed me with Matt or you threw away your birthcontrol-pills." He just wanted to be honest with her: "It's because our marriage should never had been existing. I love you... but not in the right way and I'm sorry about that." Chris was sure about he could have been manage it living with a baby that soon... maybe even if it wasn't from him and maybe he could have forgive Ashley for her betrayal. But his love for her wasn't like it should be.

"You really love him, don't you?", she asked and Chris hesitated, before he answered with a nod. Ashley lowered her eyes and brushed over her nose with the tissue again, looking down in her lab. "I always knew that day would come sometime.", she said and Chris just listened to her. "I always tried to be a good wife but I always knew, you loved him more than me... Not really more, but in another way. I just hoped you're happy with me. I tried to seperate you two, but I should have known that's a lost cause." While tears were running down her cheeks, she set up a slight smile, full of melancholy. Then she lifted up her sight, looking at Chris with her deer-eyes: "I'm sorry.", she said and Chris shook her head. "Don't!", he replied. "What should we do now?", she asked him and Chris didn't know what to answer. It was clear, he wanted that divorce. But was it good to talk about it right now? "I guess our marriage failed and we should get a good lawyer for a divorce, shouldn't we?", Ashley added and Chris was a little surprised by that. But it was just another sign from her, she understood it would be senseless begging him on his knees to come back to her. Chris avoiced her eye-contact for a moment, then he bit his lips. "I won't stand in your way, Ashley. I'm so sorry." After all she was still his wife. This struggle of feelings he didn't expect, but both knew, there was no future for them being together. He would renounce their flat, everything they build up within the last years. Chris didn't want to fight with her, they didn't even had a marriage-contract. And any fight would have affected them more.

"I don't want to fight you Ashley. I want to help you, to be honest." She nodded as Chris said that. "After all we're still friends, aren't we?", he added and Ashley looked at him. "I can't believe I'm saying that, but yeah... I think so." Chris expression was calm: "I'm always there, if you've got something you need help with.", Chris said and realized, that he meant it genuine, but it was a thing, what always happened in the world: Two people, saying something to each other, but both of them knew, that it would never happen. Not that Chris wasn't honest... He just knew, Ashley would never ask him for help, even if she needed it.

It seemed as everything was said between them. Ashley stood up without saying any word, stood still for a moment and waited, but Chris didn't respond. In the corner of his eye he saw her hand reaching or him and he felt it hot and cold at the same time, rushing down his spine, before she hesitated and her hand sunk down. He didn't even look at her. Another moment passed by and she went over to the door, threw another sight back to Chris, but he still refused to look back. Then she left... The moment the door was closed Chris broke down. He cupped his face with his hands, his glasses soon smudged in tears and for him it felt like he was crying soundless, until he felt Sams hand laying on his shoulder, while Josh kneeled in front of him, looping his arms around him and Chris burried his face in the crook of his neck, sobbing desperately into Joshs shirt. His whole body was trembling, unable to get back his composure and his inner walls seemed to crush under the weight of the actual situation. Just the feeling of Joshs hand in his neck, stroking him, while rocking him slightly in his arms... Chris never felt that horrible and in a way good at the same time.

His firm grip in Joshs hoodie eased after a while, but he was still crying as he looked in Joshs eyes. It seemed ridiculous now, Josh with his mental issues and Chris was 'just' walking through the phase of a break-up, which was his own fault. Did he just had the right to sobbering around then? Josh ran through Chris's hair, smiling faintly at him to cheer him up, but then he pulled him back into his embrace. Just what Chris needed at the moment.

*****

They laid in bed. The one, Josh always slept in with Sam, while Sam was in the living room. After Ashley had left they were just tired. Chris, with his awful good sense of hearing, listened to the TV in the living room. Even the door was closed, but he still heard it. His eyes were closed, he must have been sleeping for at least two hours. He opened one eye, looking at the clock of his phone, which showed 9.30 pm. Beside him he heard a slight moan and Josh turned himself towards Chris. The shine of his phone enlightened the room a little bit and that close, Chris saw even Joshs eyelashes, his eyes peacefully closed. Chris laid back his phone and looked at Josh again. He brushed carefully over his cheek, drawing the line of his jawbone, up to his hair. His lightly pale skin, which was once tanned felt soft below his fingertips. Still as he had in mind, years ago. Josh felt warm, comforting, inviting... Chris's nose was just an inch away from Joshs and he could feel his breath on his lips. He didn't know if Josh wanted him to touch, he remembered the moment, he told him, Chris was the first person he didn't want to punch after touching him.

As Josh opened his eyes Chris just looked back, didn't try to do something, but Josh took advantage of the situation. He gave Chris a slight nudge on his nose with his own, his lips just moving closer to Chris's. Second after second passed and it was like they never even kissed before. This tense, rising in both of them, became unbearable. But none of them was courageous enough to kiss the other first. It happend as Josh started to say something and Chris just wanted to shut his mouth. "Just k...", Josh said, interupted by Chris, wo finally kissed him, rolled himself around until Josh laid below of him. He stared down on Josh, couldn't believe he was in this situation and his breath twitched, because Josh ran down his sides, pulling his shirt out of his jeans to touch his skin. Josh maybe was sick... But he still had this behaviour of knowing exactly what he wanted. And Chris knew it was long overdue, they came to this point. Knowing that both wanted each other... Equaly!

Chris sat up, pulling his shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor. Josh looked up to him, scanning Chris's body, every little muscle. He remembered so well the time they did this first years ago, how Chris leaned over him, feeling his pale skin under his fingertips, how his muscles flexed through his touch. Just like now. Joshs hoodie and his shirt followed down to the floor. Within all these moments they kissed, just pulled back if it was necessary. It wasn't like they just wanted to do it, every touch was gently, careful, they just eased up their mind, knowing it was the right moment and time. Chris grabbed for Joshs jeans, pulling them down, together with his shorts. It was like the first time, Chris kissed bit by bit of Joshs skin, from his lips down to his neck, noticing Joshs grip at his arms. His hand hovered above Joshs stomach, down his happy trail, causing a shiver in Joshs body. It was like Chris had a reponsibility over Josh, he had to take care of. Every touch, every step he did, Chris was watching Josh attentively. Josh reached for Chris's pants and Chris helped him, by opening the frontbuttons, pulling his trousers down, together with his pants. After shoving them to the floor, Josh reached for the nightstand and gave Chris the bottle of lube, he had taken out of the drawer before.

Seeing these things coming, Chris swallowed hard... They never did it like this, with Chris on top. He always had been the bottom of them, but this time Josh had signalized him, he wanted it that way. Quietly unsure he looked at the lube, and Josh sat up, reached for him to give him another nudge against his nose with his to encourage Chris. After Chris didn't react, Josh grabbed for the bottle and opened it, dropping a bit of it on his hand. Chris couldn't take his eyes off of Josh and Josh just kissed him, before he reached for Chris's dick, spreading the lube on it. The blonde let out a hissing sound, squinted his eyes and loosened his kiss to bite on his tongue. The touch of Josh felt so good, he still couldn't believe to be part of this. A few soft strokes later Josh released him, just to pull him down on the mattress again, where he bend his legs to give Chris a better angle to slip in. Chris still kissed him, feeling a little fear about the things to come, but then he let overcome his arousal by melting together with Josh. The first few thrusts he was adjusting himself, but then he saw a slight smile on Joshs lips. His lightly opened lips made him comfortable, his reddened cheeks showed him that Josh really wanted him and he leaned in, giving Josh a kiss on his lips and smiled back. Their eyes were half-shut, the moves of Chris's hips were slow first, carefully and protective. Sometimes Chris had an impression, he hurt Josh in a way, but everytime Joshs expression changed soon enough, so he could just enjoy the feeling, perceiving Josh this way.

Their lovemaking lasted for almost half an hour before it came to a close. Both of them were eagerly solicitous being as silent as possible, so Chris burried his face in the crook of Joshs neck, while thrusting further into him. Josh bit his lips, his nostrils widened. As Chris came, his embrace just tighened, followed by a strangled moan which got stuck in his throat. Chris felt Joshs firm grip on his back, his hot breath against his ear and soon a warm feeling spreaded across his stomach, together with a wheeze coming out of Joshs mouth. Chris lifted his head a little bit to look in Joshs eyes. He laid his hands on Chris's cheeks and the blonde leaned down to kiss him, giving his hips a few last moves until the heat of the moment abated. Chris ran through Joshs hair and it was the first time, he noticed in his inner self that everything - every single bit - was like it should be. "I love you Josh!", Chris whispered, before he gave Josh another kiss.

*****

The look on his phone told him it was already 11.30 pm, but Chris needed fresh air. "What do you think of taking a walk with me?", he said, staring on his screen, which was empty. No new message, no missed calls. "That late Cochise?", Josh answered and Chris looked down on him, smiling. "Okay... But just a little bit, okay?", he added and Chris leaned down to give kiss him again.

Sam was sleeping already, the TV still ran and Chris went over to the couch to lay a blanket over her body. Chris was so thankful for everything she did for Josh. That she cared for him as he wasn't able to. He turned off the TV, before he grabbed his jacket and left the flat together with Josh. They went down the road, it was cold, usual for the start of december. Christmas wasn't far away, but the weather was still lousy, more rain than everything else. Josh snuggled tight against Chris and the blonde laid his arm around Joshs shoulders. "I didn't expect it would ever be like this.", he said and Chris stretched himself to give Josh a kiss on his temple. "It just gets better!", Chris responsed and they passed a crossway. They stopped underneath a streetlamp and stared in the nightsky. "You remember the time we laid in the grass while watching stars, talking about what we wanted to do with our life?", Josh asked and Chris nodded, making a agreeing sound. "At least our goal is like it supposed to be. We're together... Aren't we?", Chris replied and he looked at Josh. "Yeah... Couldn't be better.", he said and they stood just there, as Chris turned to him, leaning his forehead on Joshs. "I don't wanna be without you anymore." He knew Josh thought the same, but he just had to say it that way. As they parted, Chris saw something on Joshs cheek and he looked up...

It started snowing...

*****

**Epiloque**

Spring arrived, the last winter seemed so long ago. It was a quiet day at Chris's shop and Mike came back from his appointment with their accountant: "Good news?", Chris asked and Mike shook his head. "We have to pay some more as calculated." - "How much?" - "Five hundred bucks!" First Chris swallowed, this wasn't what he had expected. "Okay, I guess we'll get that managed, don't we?" Mike nodded. "Shouldn't be a problem.", he replied. Chris stood at the counter, swiping on the screen of his phone. "Any news from Josh?", Mike asked, taking a short look on Chris's screen, but he shook his head. "No... Not yet." Together with Sam he was on the road, finding a new apartment for Sam. She finally wanted to move out, even if Chris said, she could stay. So Chris and Josh could live their own life if they would find a new flat for her. But she was still one of their best friends and Chris was thankful she helped Josh out before.

The doorbell rang and Chris turned his sight. It was Ashley, her belly drawing a visible curve in her jacket. "Hey guys!", she said, going over to Mike, giving him a peck on his cheek, then to Chris, doing the same with him, while he looped an arm around her waist. "Hey dear, you okay?", he asked and Ashley nodded. "He's driving me crazy these nights, kicking the shit out of me...", she answered and pulled some envelopes out of her bag. "Here... They were in my mailbox.", she said, laying them on the table. "Thanks.", Chris said, looking at them. They were still in their year of seperation, their divorce was set a few weeks after their break-up. "How's Josh?", she asked then. "Good. His therapist said he makes some progress. But we still trying to reduce his painkillers." Their relationship was broken, of course. But they were still friends. If Ashley needed something, she asked Jess or Sam to help her. Just if it was really necessary he talked to Chris about it. But however, after all, they had been married and still had a connection, even if it wasn't as good as before. "That's nice to hear.", she replied to Chris. "I'm sorry, but I have to go... I've got an appointment at 12 and I'm already late." - "No worry, Ash... I guess we'll talk lately within the next months.", he responsed. She said 'Goodbye' and left the shop.

"You didn't tell her yet, did you?", Mike asked Chris after Ashley left. Chris looked at him. "No... And I guess it's too early for that yet...", he said. - Two weeks ago he did a proposal to Josh... What he said? - Of course he said 'Yes!'.


End file.
